Love & Other Drugs

4/5

Provocatively tasteful, Love & Other Drugs is a heartfelt, inspirational tale of romance and true love in an intimacy-challenged world we live in.

Jamie Randall (Gyllenhaal) is a pharmaceutical sales rep of one of the largest drug company in the world, Pfizer. Suffering from ADD and considered a prodigal son by his over-achieving family, Jamie’s defining characteristics are his confidence, good looks, and impeccable charm with women. Maggie Murdock (Hathaway) is an aspiring artist struggling with stage 1 Parkinson’s disease and have shut herself up for love and a romantic relationship. They met in a very unconventional way and together, they found themselves blending with each other perfectly in bed. But can true love blossom in a relationship founded in lust, made stronger by hot, steamy compatibility in sex, threatened by intimacy issues, and a progressive disease?

One of the many things very remarkable about this movie and sets it apart from other sex-dramedy is its portrayal of a no strings attached-FuBu relationship in a classy, artistic way. You would never at any point while watching the movie feel as if you’re treated to a 2-hour sexfest, soft-porn flick. I mean don’t get me wrong because it’s a delight to see Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway naked in hot sexy scenes but when you go see a movie it is ultimately the story that matters the most, and thankfully, this movie didn’t disappoint.

Love & Other Drugs is a timely movie that tackles a relationship that’s so prevalent these days and is actually what most generations Y and Z prefers. The thrill and consequences of a FuBu relationship shaped by more serious tones of an incurable disease and commitment issues woven into a sharply written script provides the depth of the movie. Though it tried so hard to incorporate a lot of sub-plots, some dramatic scenes lacks the touching feel that’ll move you to tears and some comedic lines doesn’t deliver to launch collective laughter, I maintain that the movie has a very strong plot and a script that makes a lot of sense.

Gyllenhaal and Hathaway both gave authentic and noteworthy performances here. The success of this movie above all takes its credit to the awesome, genuinely inexplicable chemistry of Brokeback Mountain partners, Gyllenhaal and Hathaway. They complement each other very well acting-wise as well as looks-wise. Anne Hathaway has always been a very dependable actress. She’s one of the few young Hollywood actresses whose versatility is unquestionable. Jake Gyllenhaal is captivating in this movie. To say he is perfect for the role is an understatement. Jake is suited for this genre because not only can he convey romance in a very natural way, he is also oozing with sex appeal and an angelic face that will undoubtedly tickle pink every girls and gays in the land.

It’s also dumb to not point out how wonderful the musical scoring and how excellently beautiful the song choices were.

Love & Other Drugs veered away from those averages, petty romance movies we’re all sick and tired about. It presented a fresh narrative about a no strings attached relationship founded on lust and sex but keen to a possibility of a happy ever after ending. Watching a movie like Love & Other Drugs will again make you wonder of love’s unpredictability and inexplicable mysteriousness. It is an old age belief that love blooms in the most unexpected and unconventional places, timings, and ways but one thing is for sure…TRUE LOVE happens! Maybe not the way you expect it to be but it does. And when it finally captures you, it’s not even comprehensible why or what made you love the person for all the he is. You just know and feel it deep inside. It’s certainly magic that of all the millions of people in this planet, one such ordinary human being touches your heart and you’re never the same again. That all of a sudden, unconsciously, he/she let your guards down and all your unresolved issues fade away; by leap of faith, you’re sure as heaven and hell that you can give up anything and everything just to be with him for the rest of your existence.

Sex and the City 2

3/5

And they’re back!

Sex and the City was perhaps one of the best things that ever happened to TV. It was a phenomenon that helped shaped pop culture across the globe. Its ending was indeed, an ending of an era. Two years ago we were all CARRIEd away when we saw the reunion of the girls on the big screen. Now it’s 2010 and the girls are back with the glamour and fabulousness we’ve all come to love.

It’s been two years since Carrie became Mrs. Preston and married life proves to be a challenge for her. As Mr. Big likes to stay at home, watch black-and-white movies, and order take outs. Carrie misses the fun, the excitement, the chase she’s used to, being the outgoing party girl she is. Her friends also struggle with their own respective lives; Miranda is forced to work with a new boss who can’t handle girl power, Charlotte strives to the ups and downs of motherhood, and Samantha...is still Samantha—the bold, daring, funny sex addict who’s dealing with menopause. In this instalment of the Sex and the City franchise, the girls travelled to Abu Dhabi courtesy of an all-expense paid trip by Samantha’s supposed new client. And together with their outrageous fabulousness and allure of their characters, Abu Dhabi is caught off guard.

First and foremost, I will admit that Sex and the City 2 is by all means a movie for the fans. I’ve been reading a lot of bad reviews about the movie and I feel that many who watched the film was missing something--the idea that life even in a fictitious world of a movie must embrace change. Yes we’ve come to love Carrie and the girls because of the fabulous lives they depicted on the series but some failed to realize that they were on their 30s that time and, now, they’re already at their 40s, Samantha is even fiftyfuckintwo years old already. So literally, the bar hopping, on the go single gals we’ve come to love will never be present in the movie. The thing with Sex and the City 2 is that people failed to realize that this was the next stage, the more mature phase of Carrie’s life. We’ve been with her through it all, from Mr. Big to Aidan to Berger, to Alexander Petrovsky, to all the other guys she’s dated over the years. We’ve listened and related to her realizations and thoughts about love and relationship. Now, aren’t we curious how Carrie is as a wife?

In my opinion, Sex and the City 2’s main problem was not the plot or the storyline to which it’s headed. Although I have to admit that some scenes from the first half of the movie was somewhat dragging but I realized that that’s precisely the point. The movie started out boring and a bit tedious because the producer/director wanted to set this tone. He wanted to create an atmosphere that will make the audience feel the lack of sparkle Carrie was feeling in their marriage. But you see the second half of the movie was spiced with excitement; the chasing feeling we’re used to when we talk about Sex and the City. The downside of this whole film was not being able to communicate at first hand even before the film premiered that this time around, it’s no longer the fun, easy going gal, it’s now the WOMAN that Carrie Bradshaw is, whom you’ll get to watch on the big screen.

My anticipation for this sequel is inexplicable and after watching it last Wednesday, I have to say it’s worth the wait. I love it and I’m not in any way disappointed. It made me laugh at times and most importantly it made me feel the struggles of each and every character. I will never be a mother but somehow I felt Charlotte’s woes. I will never experience menopause but I felt Samantha’s difficulties. And I guess that’s the most important thing for a movie, for it to be able to communicate and make its audience relate. It’s so genius of Michael Patrick King to come up with a storyline like that for a sequel like this. It’s hard to show the maturity of every character and how far the girls have become especially for a series and characters as famous as Sex and the City but he was able to deliver that brilliantly.

Sex and the City and fashion go hand-in-hand and this instalment didn’t disappoint as well. Glamorous outfits, fabulous gowns, over the top accessories, magnificent shoes were all a sight to behold. The script was great-- perfectly intertwined with enough melodrama and hilariousness Sex and the City has been known for. Acting by all four main actresses was superb. Sarah Jessica Parker was still lovable and outstandingly great as Carrie Bradshaw. Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis were still both believable as Miranda and Charlotte. It’s remarkable how much these actresses have given life to the personalities of these four unique individuals. And I have to agree with my best friend, Korina that Sarah Jessica Parker may get top billing but Sex and the City 2 is a Kim Catrall movie. This is Samantha at her very best! Kim didn’t just give life to the character of Samantha, she was able to redefine what bold and daring truly means. Let’s face it, almost 80% of Sex and the City’s humour that made it such a phenomenon came from Samantha and Kim Catrall gave justice to every inch of Samantha’s character.

It’s been twelve years since the series’ pilot and till now, Sex and the City is still a part of many individual’s life. The essence of friendship that was depicted by Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda is the real epitome of what friendship is all about. Good and bad reviews of this film will surface but one thing is for sure, Sex and the City was able to affect millions of lives all over the world and it will continue to do so for the story and message of Sex and the City is timeless! It will never go out of style. It’s a classic everyone can relate to. Finally, what is so remarkable about Sex and the City is that its story is transcending. From looking for love to fighting for love, Sex and the City 2 tell us that after chasing love and finally settling down, the challenge is how to keep the romance alive.

Part 2: 2009 And The Lessons I Learned About LOVE LOVE LOVE

I write this while still waiting for that love which will shape and ultimately define the saga of my life’s love story. I write this while still waiting for that guy who’ll sweep me off my feet. I write this with the acknowledgment of all the pains I’ve gone through in the name of love this year. I write this with faith and hope in destiny that someday, LOVE will come and consume my heart and soul. I was deeply and passionately involved in two love affairs this year—one in fantasy and another one in reality. These love affairs have redefined my ideas and beliefs about love. Most importantly, they added another layer of toughness to my ever so vulnerable heart. And so here are some of the things I learned about LOVE this year.

LOVE WITH ALL YOUR HEART
In this day and age where relationships are becoming more of a liability than it should be, where the odds of getting your heart broken is as sure as the MRT train being late during rush hours, it’s so hard to lose grip and give your heart away completely. But if there’s one thing I learned this year, it’s that you should never hold back when it comes to love. The euphoria of being in love comes once in a blue moon these days. The joy of finding true love is like winning the grand price in a lottery. And so when you find love, in the smallest of possibilities it offer, grab it and let your heart guide you. Let yourself be consumed by it and love like there’s no tomorrow for life is so short and being too afraid to get hurt is not giving justice to God’s gift of life. Never be afraid of getting your heart broken cause at the end of everything, after all that’s been said and done, the only thing that matters is how much you have loved.

NEVER GIVE UP ON LOVE
I’ve been through so much emotionally this year. Everyone knows my obsession with boy-next-door, the guy in my dreams who happens to be a real human being in the person of our then neighbor at 13th Ave. as well as my overwhelming relationship with my ex-boyfriend, Dan. You see, sometimes loving and relationships in general can be so exhausting physically, psychologically, spiritually, and of course emotionally. You get your heart broken every now and then and sometimes you ask, what for? When you’re hurt so much by love, at times, you lose hope—hope that someday you’ll still be in the arms of true, unconditional love. To be perfectly honest, there are still nights when I cry myself to sleep thinking what’s wrong with me. I reached the point when I’m on the verge of totally believing that maybe I’m destined to be alone. Maybe I’m meant to be single for life. But as soon as this idea comes up, I am immediately killing it because I know that this feeling of solitude is not for long. I know that my mind is just entertaining that idea because it wants me to feel self-pity. Love will come someday. I certainly know that. Maybe not now but it will come. I never want to give up on love because I believe everybody deserves to love and be love in return. I never want to give up on love because though it has cost me much hurt and anguish over the years, still, there’s no better way to measure my existence by how abundant I was loved and how deeply I have loved.

CLOSURE IS ESSENTIAL
I’ve been to numerous relationships these past few years. I’ve professed time and time again to be in love and never felt that feeling before. But I believe the first time I ever really fell in love was last summer with Dan. Of course today the relationship seems more of summer fling than a serious one. I say it was the first time I ever did fall in love because it was the first time a guy made me feel that way. He treated me the way I want to be treated. Yes, I was head over heels in love with him. I really thought he was THE ONE. I really thought that relationship is for keeps already. I really thought he’s the one I’ll grow old with. He was the first real romance I could have committed the cliché, “I will love you and fight for you against all odds”. I swear I was madly in love with him that I can give up even my family for him. But as Mariah Carey perfectly sang it, “something got a hold of us and we changed” the relationship ended without the other party really knowing why they broke up. It’s torturing to think of what probably that “something that took hold of us” is, especially when you’re still crazy in love with him. What I’m trying to point out here is that two people shared love and built dreams together then when something went wrong with one party it’s inexplicably foolish and stupid of him to just end the relationship all at once without even talking it out with the other party. I mean hello?! You were two consenting adults who were involved in that relationship and in as mush as it’s his right to get out of the relationship for he’s not happy anymore, it’s also the other party’s right to know what went wrong. Did he cause the problem? Is there something wrong about him? It’s very hard for the one being left behind to move on and let go without him knowing what really went wrong. This year, I learned that in separations like what happened to me and Dan, it is both parties’ responsibility to give each other a nice and decent closure that honors what they had.

LEARN TO LET GO
Ending a relationship is never easy. Amicably or resentfully, break-ups in general are never easy because amidst all the hurt and pain, you can’t discount the fact that you two have shared love and intimacy. And sometimes relationships end though we’re still not ready to let it go. But things happen, relationships fail, love fades, and we can’t let ourselves be stuck on the memory of a love gone wrong. Eventually, no matter how painful it is, you have to let go. You can’t keep on wishing it’s still you in his heart. You have to let go completely, for until then, you won’t be able to shelter a new, healthy, and lasting relationship. It’s never easy accepting the truth that sometimes, relationships fail because it’s just not meant to be but you have to help yourself move on so when that new love comes, you will be able to give it the fairness it deserves. Letting go of all the dreams built together, of all the cherished memories, of all the pain, of all the love you’ve come to nurture is easier said than done but learning the art of letting go is the only way you could give your heart the ability to reach its total potential when it comes to love.

NEVER REGRET A FAILED RELATIONSHIP
Sometimes you look back and question, with your strings of failed relationships, what have I got? But along with the hurt and anguish a break up brings, are lessons learned so that next time when you fall in love, you’ll be able to do things differently and who knows, that relationship might just be the one. I think Kris Aquino said it very well in one of her shows, “Lahat tayo nagkakamali along the way pero lahat nung pagkakamaling yun pala is part of the path that will lead you to where you should be.” so more than considering them as a disadvantage, better to think of them the other way around.

HE’S NOT FOR YOU, SUCK IT UP
I can’t begin to count the many sleepless nights I’ve spent questioning why I am not the one for boy-next-door. Thinking about it, I am so much of her girlfriend except one thing—she is a girl and I’m not. When already in this state of mind, I start to think of all the other guys I adore, who, given the chance, I would definitely give up anything and everything just to be with him. I’ve fell in this emotion of being infatuatedly obsess with a guy I really really admire. I dunno if it’s just me or other people also experiences this as extreme as I do. I feel so weird already that I get attached so easily to guys I find attractive. I say it’s weird because most often than not, my attraction to a guy, both attainable and unattainable makes me sad and very depressed. It’s incomprehensible to be a broken Bea Alonzo record line, “bakit hindi nalang ako? Ako nalang…” in my part, it’s painful every time a guy I think is so perfect for me crosses my path and yet he’s not mine and he will never be mine because to me, infatuation always borders to obsession. But then I realize this is life. You can’t wallow on bitterness questioning ‘why in the world is he not meant for me?!’ I’ve been a victim of being deliriously depressed because of this phenomenon over the years and that’s the sad thing about life and love, you can’t always get what you want and it doesn’t follow that if you love someone, he’ll also love you back. This feeling will never end, this longing will never cease till I find THE ONE who will love me for as long as he lives. At the same time, I can’t stop cute, HOT, yummy guys from leaving their homes just so I won’t get depressed. And over the years, I swear, the roller coaster emotion of being easily infatuated has brought me so much pain than I ever could imagine. Yes, it’s so hard to be at peace with the truth yet I realized that this is just God’s balancing equation. How rowdy this world will be if your object of affection/infatuation can instantly be in love with you? I can just imagine! And seriously, with humans’ unending struggle with discontentment backed up by human nature’s greatest fear of aloneness, I feel it’s so selfish of me desiring so badly to be with THE ONE I THINK IS PERFECT FOR ME while God on the other hand is busy preparing THE ONE HE PERFECTLY CHOSE for me. I just need to strengthen my faith and have overwhelming patience because in the end, it’ll all be worth it.

FIGHT FOR LOVE
You cry endlessly because of the pain yet still hunger for love insatiably. Human beings are designed to be this way. Anyway, no one ever said loving is easy. Love and pain is a package deal. One can never love without getting hurt so as willingly we accept and take love, we must also be willing to take pain. Live by the idea that everybody gets hurt. You’re not a precious one to just be the one hurting. Though love takes a lot of compromise, hurt, risk, and sacrifice, I promised myself that come what may, I’m going to fight for it till the very end for I believe that love is worth all the pain. Also, excluding everything, no matter how much you cried the entire night, nothing beats the feeling of waking up in the arms of love.

LOVE IS AN EVERYDAY DECISION
It’s never an assurance that a good start has a fairy tale ending. It’s never an assurance that being together for a long time means you will never go separate ways anymore. I know a gay couple who’s been together for almost 25 years but still, recently, they just parted ways. Love requires full commitment and effort to couple up in this uncoupling world. If you’re not put up for it, spare your victims from heartache. With relationship’s sometimes unreasonable demands of hurt and pain, you always have to be certain that you can still keep up with love’s untiring stamina.

DESPERATE LOVE WILL NEVER DO YOU ANY GOOD
It’s true that not all kinds of love are right. Some of it is wrong upfront. Some of it is just too painful and unfair for someone to even bear living with it. After being in and out of relationships over the years, I realized that maybe one of the reasons why my relationships aren’t the kind that’s lasting is because I always choose to have a desperate kind of love. I used the word choose because really, loving gives you a lot of choices and one of these many choices is what kind of love are you going to share to somebody. Love for it to be able to grow and last long needs a healthy foundation and so much so a breathing environment. While it is indeed true that love is all about compromising, it is also very important that you don’t lose your individuality in the process. Relationships are sharing of mutual emotions such as love, trust, and above all, respect. You can’t love believing that if you don’t do that or do this, your boyfriend will be unhappy and leave you. You need to have your life outside of him. Your world shouldn’t revolve solely on him.

In many ways, loving first and foremost is acceptance. Accepting the person you love for who he is along with all his imperfections. You can’t be in a relationship that sacrifices so much of your life just so your boyfriend won’t leave you. That’s not compromising at all, that’s desperately begging for love. Do not be afraid to be who you are and who you’re not in a relationship because a relationship is a partnership between two individuals with two different beliefs, characters, and values. It’s a give and take process and if you feel like you’re relationship is already unfair because it seems you’re the one always doing the giving, do something about it. Be wise enough to see through the blinding haze of love.

Base from my experience on my realized relationship pattern, desperate love is exhausting and it will never last long because after sometime, it drains you and all you just wanna be is to be out of that relationship. It is of utmost importance that before being in a relationship, you make sure you are mature enough to handle one. Love should never complete a person. It should only add color and excitement to your already accomplished, complete, and individualistic life. Doing the opposite will just make you clingy and needy which is the risky and slippery road leading to breakup. Love yourself first. Reach for your dreams first. Be an independent, consummate individual first in terms of career, emotional stability, etc. before you commit to a relationship. More so, your happiness shouldn’t be dependent on love. Because for one, love is a fleeting emotion and anything can happen in a relationship overnight. So ground your happiness on something sturdier. It should come from within that if something happens like a breakup; you won’t be distraught feeling you’ve lost not only your source of happiness but your life as well.

As I look back now, I find it ridiculous how I’ve manipulated my life to solely revolve on my love life. These past few months I saw how my name is already synonymous with (better if it’s only love but no eh…) love, boys, and kalandian among many others. I wish to change this world’s perspective about me this year 2010. I am now convinced more than ever that indeed there’s more to life than romance. Also, while it’s true that I do want to have a man in my life and be in love again, I know that now is not the right time. As I’ve already shared, I believe that there is a right time and a purpose for everything. There is a reason why I’m still single today. There is a reason why boy-next-door or Dan or any other guy I’ve been infatuated with this year were all not meant for me. I know at the right time love will come and seize me until then I’ll just keep my faith and prepare myself for LOVE LOVE LOVE’S arrival.

25 Random Things About Gorgeous Dave

1. Sometimes, I wish I'm a straight guy. Surely, my life will totally be different. Not that I'm not happy being gay. It's just that maybe choosing a normal path will bring peace to me. Maybe the care and love of a girl is more pleasurable and satisfying than a man's love I'm forever longing for. Maybe I'll make one of the best husbands in town. Maybe I'll make a loving and caring dad. Maybe having a wife and children is what will make me truly happy.

2. The most romantic sexual fantasy I've ever imagined up until now is with my first year college General Psychology professor. His initials? M V.

3. I have gerascophobia more commonly known as fear of growing old.

4. I adore Kris Aquino! I wanna talk like her, be like her, think like her. I wish I'm Kris Aquino in my next life.

5. It's my dream to have my own talk show someday. I love to talk, talk, and talk. I feel like there are so many things I want to share. I really want to host and interview people.

6. I love being inside a bookstore, particularly, Bestsellers, Fullybooked, and Powerbooks. National kasi is so ingay and so gulo, i feel like there's always a fiesta. Whenever I'm inside a bookstore, I feel so calm and peaceful. I love being with books.

7. I'm in cloud nine everytime I buy a new book. I just love love love books! Of course, I also horde books. Hello? Even Kris Aquino still has plenty of books wrapped in their original plastics. What's important is I find time to read them one by one. To date, I still have 40 unopened books, still wrapped in their original plastics.

8. After reading all my K! The Kris Aquino Magazines, I put them back in their original plastics and store them in a place no one can make pakialam and make them sira.

9. Call me selfish but I don't like lending my books, CDs, DVDs, and magazines. Having them all in my room gives me peace of mind. It forms part of my self-security knowing that I have a copy of this issue or this book at home. It gives me joy to know that no matter what happens, I already secured a copy.

10. I have an obsession with jeans. I don't know what it is about them but they make me really happy. To date, I think I already have a hundred or close to a hundred.

11. All my clothes are color-coded according to the color wheel. And they hang inside individual garment plastics.

12. I so love Chuck Taylors for life!

13. I hate it when people accidentally or intentionally steps on my shoes. I feel like, "How dare you? This shoe is more expensive than you are!"

14. I can eat KFC Fried Chicken and their gravy for a month and still crave for it.

15. I go crazy when something goes wrong in my computer.

16. I feel like crying everytime my internet connection is down. It makes me crazy.

17. I'm such an OC! I double check everything. I want everything to be in order. I want all my files organized. I always double check (often times more than double check pa) if I've locked the doors, have I passed the requirement? Have I clicked the submit button? Have I place it on the right place? This sometimes bugs me na.

18. I am a frustrated singer. I really wish God blessed me with a magnificent voice.

19. I super love YAEL YUZON's voice!

20. I hate having to borrow things. As much as possible, I want to have my own because I don't want to have an utang-na-loob.

21. I dream of having a healthy, long, serious relationship someday. One like Boy Abunda and Bong Quintana have.

22. I'm an expert when it comes to loving from a distance as well as unrequited love.

23. I want to have an affair with a married guy. Forbidden is HOT!

24. In my dreams, I wish to have the wildest sex of my life with Robin Padilla!

25. After all the pain and heartbreaks I've gone through, I still believe that love will come to me. I still believe that special someone who will give me the unconditional love I'm dying to have will one day cross my path and finally appease my distressed heart.

Sex and the City

5/5

Fantastic, fabulous and never out of style, Sex and the City is undeniably the greatest movie event of 2008.

I am big fan of the series. I have all 6 seasons in DVD and I’ve seen every single episodes of it. I am also proud to say that among my favorite US TV series, Sex and the City has had the most impact in my life especially on the way I think about friendship, relationships and ultimately, love. Last year when the buzz that a movie is finally in the works, I said to myself, come what may, I gotta watch this movie on its first day…and so I did.

Four years since we last saw the girls at the series’ finale episode, “An American Girl in Paris: Part Deux,” the movie picks up three years after this and showed how the lives of the four fabulous characters we’ve come to love are all doing now.

Director and writer Michael Patrick King is a true genius for he was able to give a good take on the movie adaptation that it didn’t appear as if it’s nothing but an expanded episode on TV. He should also be credited enough for the wonderful script of this movie. Though still filled with ample humor that’s a trademark of the series, the movie has a more emotional take on the lives of the four girls. The flawless and poignant dialogues depicted how each of the four girls has matured.

Sarah Jessica Parker was as expected fabulous in this movie. Of course, Kim Cattrall is wonderful! It’s a feeling of great joy to see these four girls reprise their characters in the hit TV series into the movie. Four years after the series concluded, I still believe that they’re all perfect for their roles. Fashion wise, no questions asked, they’re all fabulous and perfect!

The 2hrs 30mins running time is worth the wait in every aspect of the word. It’ll definitely satisfy millions of Sex and the City fans all over the world who are all waiting for this movie year after year since its series finale in HBO. Whether you are a fan or not, you can’t afford to miss this movie, for it’s not only a movie…it’s history.

After watching the film, I txted my bestfriend right away and told her that you should forget you were ever born into this world if you’ll miss this movie. That’s how good Sex and the City is. Without any bias whatsoever, I believe that Sex and the City’s story is timeless and will forever linger generations after generations for it tells a story of what a genuine and unconditional friendship should be. More so, it gives us the hope that after all the ups and downs, all the joys and pains that you’ll have to go through in finding your perfect match, Sex and the City is a validation that all of us will indeed find the greatest love of our lives and the happy ending that will surely determine the essence of our existence is waiting for us.

A CHOICE: I am not changing my mind

It has been a month or so since I made the announcement that I’m finally giving up the idea that I’m going to meet my special someone in the cyber world. Though there were a lot of temptations to just break that promise, I’m glad that up to know, I stayed true to my word and I owned up to my decision. Wow! I’m so proud of myself.

I won’t deny the fact that there were a lot of times I just wanna break that promise of mine and just go back to my old way of meeting guys. Anyway, who ever imposed that rule to me not to chat with cute guys and meet up with them in person after a few days? It was I, so if ever, it is also my prerogative to just consider that decision null and void. With the fear of being single for life, I was tempted many many times. After all, these guys who are messaging and txting me were good-looking, nice and some of them were really a catch. But I told myself, if you’re going to go back to that same old pattern, you’ll just end up going through all the bad things you’ve went through in the past. So after much reflection about it, NO! I don’t wanna experience all those awful things again and again and again.

God allows us to experience failures, pain and suffering for us to learn and emerge as a better person. I don’t want to die unhappy more so, I don’t want to die as a person who’s full of regrets. And as I grow and mature, I can say that I am more intimate now with my body, my heart and my soul. This year as I turn twenty years old (two months from now), I am more confident to say that I know myself better than anybody in this world does. So I know what will make me happy and what will make me sad. I know what is good for me and what is bad for me. Looking back on all my experiences with the guys I have met in the internet, what kind of individuals they are, what terrible things happened to us, I can firmly say that I am not happy with all of it and I don’t feel like I’m ever going to be proud of it/them. And so I don’t want to grow old having all these regrets in my life. I know that we can’t change our past but we can shape our futures. Having the ability to do so, I will not go back to my same old pattern again. I’ve learned my lessons very well!

A friend of mine told me that I shouldn’t give up on the cyber world for no matter how superficial it is, it’s still is one of the major means for gays like me to meet guys especially in the kind of society where we are. But I beg to disagree with him. Yes, internet maybe a major way. Yes, we can’t deny that with the emergence of technology through the internet, gays and bisexuals have found a new way to meet other individuals who has the same sexual preference as they are but I want to stress that the cyber world is NOT THE ONLY MAJOR MEANS. And since this method doesn’t seem to make me happy, I will not use it. I am totally eliminating this method on how I can have a boyfriend. No one can change my mind. Jammy (one of my close friends) once told me “wala ka namang makukuhang matinong lalaki dyan eh”, referring to guys from the internet. I’d like to believe her for in the many occasions that I got myself involved with these guys, nothing good has ever happened to me, it didn’t in anyway benefited me. Why? I’ve come to realize that maybe because with the superficiality of the cyber world everything happens in a snap. And since everything happens too fast, you fall so fast, what you have also disappears so fast. Not to mention, most people you’ll find in the internet are in for fun. Maybe that’s the problem because I’m in for a real thing. Or perhaps, these men are also in for a real thing but with the superficial environment of the cyber world, A REAL THING is just not possible.

We only walk through our lives once. We only have one youth and most of the turning points in our lives happen while we are at this stage of our lives so we better be careful on the CHOICES we are making and we better live our teenage/young adult years right so that when we grow old, we won’t regret anything. Yes, we’re only young once so we better enjoy it but we should enjoy life in such a way that we would still have dignity and self-respect after enjoying it. Maybe a lot of gays will choose to enjoy their lives by collecting men whom they have slept with, but not me. Not Dave! They can have sex with all the men they want for all I care but I won’t do that because when I grow old I want people to think of me as a decent person and not a slut!

So I won’t change my mind no matter how cute, how I really like the guy and how yummy he is. I’M NOT CHANGING MY MIND!

Life is full of choices. And the choices we make determine who we are as a person. This is a CHOICE I’ve made and whatever consequences I will be having because of this CHOICE, I’m ready for it.