My One Tree Hill Love Affair

I sometimes hate it that I’m a very emotional person. But on the other hand, I also think that it’s a good thing because it makes me more human to be able to feel emotions as they are. I get infatuated so easily. I get attached to something or someone so easily and too much it hurts. I just finished One Tree Hill’s Season 6 in DVD and it made me cry a lot. At 4 a.m. I was crying my hurt out watching the last three episodes of Season 6. Maybe I’m just too emotional this mid-morning or these past few days but it sure felt so great to be able to cry and let loose with my emotions in the confines of my room; alone in the dark while being carried away in a beautiful narrative. One Tree Hill is very close to my heart. Somehow in ways I couldn’t even bring myself to explain, but to try and be objective about it, I love its plot so much because it presented different aspects of friendships, triumphs and failures, and most importantly (my favorite), love and relationships in a very logical manner yet still maintaining its emotional sensitiveness.

I started watching One Tree Hill November of 2008 around two in the morning and I finished five episodes of the first season in one seating. Of course, as expected I was drawn and very much in to Lucas Scott and knowing me, I will eventually be infatuated not to the character that is Lucas but to the actor portraying him, Chad Michael Murray. And it started yet again one of my many foolish not to mention really ridiculous infatuation debacles with another actor. I think I’m going to discuss how bad I am when infatuated in another blog entry. Believe me it’ll be an effort talking about it and definitely a sympathetically weird post.

Anyway, going back to One Tree Hill, I was crying a lot while watching the season finale of the sixth run because it’s Lucas and Peyton’s wedding. I don’t know what is it about weddings that always make me cry. May it be on TV or in real life, they always do. Maybe it’s the overflowing love you see from the bride and groom. Maybe it’s the overwhelming feeling of joy when you see genuine love between two people who were so brave to fight for love and so lucky to have found that magic, that miracle. And here goes the hopeless romantic Dave again, forgive me, please; I’m still overwhelmed with so much emotion right now. But think about it, at the end of the day, yes it is cliché and crap but LOVE is all that matters.

I’ve seen how One Tree Hill’s narrative transcended over the years but most importantly, I felt the emotional maturity and evolution of all the characters and that to me is the basis of a good television series. The season 6 finale more than anything centred on dreams and how we should always believe in our dreams. Hold on to it, never lose hope on it, work your ass off on it because in the end it’s all gonna be worth it!  It just made me realize that whether it is in career or in life or in love, dreams do come true and you need to have faith and believe because this world never runs out of opportunities and surprises. Believe that miracles happen every single day. Believe in your dreams.  Never stop chasing them!

These lines from the Season 6’s finale struck a chord in me and I am so touched that I’d like to share it with everyone:

“Remind yourself to be happy because you deserve that

and believe that dreams come true every day because they do.”

I love love love Season 6 because as shallow as it may sound, this season introduced me to Julian Baker. It has been years since I last felt this cringing and crippling feel inside the deepest corners of my heart while watching an actor. I love the character because Julian Baker personifies my ideal guy in his full accurateness and preciseness; the kind of man I dream of loving and growing old with. Watching him made me realize just how much I really long for a man’s love. And he reminds me a lot of Boy-next-door. But of course, he’s just a TV series character born out of Mark Schawahn’s imagination. I wish a guy like him exists in real life… in the gay world. I can only dream (but hey, didn’t I just say hold on to your dreams?!) hahahahahahaha.

P.S. Of course it follows that I am not only infatuated with the character that is Julian Baker but more so to the actor portraying Julian, the cute boy-next-door, AUSTIN NICHOLS. God my heart stops beating with his every grins and with that expressive, bedroom eyes not to mention that cute, scruffy face. Damn! How I wish I’m Sophia Bush!!!  

25 Random Things About Gorgeous Dave

1. Sometimes, I wish I'm a straight guy. Surely, my life will totally be different. Not that I'm not happy being gay. It's just that maybe choosing a normal path will bring peace to me. Maybe the care and love of a girl is more pleasurable and satisfying than a man's love I'm forever longing for. Maybe I'll make one of the best husbands in town. Maybe I'll make a loving and caring dad. Maybe having a wife and children is what will make me truly happy.

2. The most romantic sexual fantasy I've ever imagined up until now is with my first year college General Psychology professor. His initials? M V.

3. I have gerascophobia more commonly known as fear of growing old.

4. I adore Kris Aquino! I wanna talk like her, be like her, think like her. I wish I'm Kris Aquino in my next life.

5. It's my dream to have my own talk show someday. I love to talk, talk, and talk. I feel like there are so many things I want to share. I really want to host and interview people.

6. I love being inside a bookstore, particularly, Bestsellers, Fullybooked, and Powerbooks. National kasi is so ingay and so gulo, i feel like there's always a fiesta. Whenever I'm inside a bookstore, I feel so calm and peaceful. I love being with books.

7. I'm in cloud nine everytime I buy a new book. I just love love love books! Of course, I also horde books. Hello? Even Kris Aquino still has plenty of books wrapped in their original plastics. What's important is I find time to read them one by one. To date, I still have 40 unopened books, still wrapped in their original plastics.

8. After reading all my K! The Kris Aquino Magazines, I put them back in their original plastics and store them in a place no one can make pakialam and make them sira.

9. Call me selfish but I don't like lending my books, CDs, DVDs, and magazines. Having them all in my room gives me peace of mind. It forms part of my self-security knowing that I have a copy of this issue or this book at home. It gives me joy to know that no matter what happens, I already secured a copy.

10. I have an obsession with jeans. I don't know what it is about them but they make me really happy. To date, I think I already have a hundred or close to a hundred.

11. All my clothes are color-coded according to the color wheel. And they hang inside individual garment plastics.

12. I so love Chuck Taylors for life!

13. I hate it when people accidentally or intentionally steps on my shoes. I feel like, "How dare you? This shoe is more expensive than you are!"

14. I can eat KFC Fried Chicken and their gravy for a month and still crave for it.

15. I go crazy when something goes wrong in my computer.

16. I feel like crying everytime my internet connection is down. It makes me crazy.

17. I'm such an OC! I double check everything. I want everything to be in order. I want all my files organized. I always double check (often times more than double check pa) if I've locked the doors, have I passed the requirement? Have I clicked the submit button? Have I place it on the right place? This sometimes bugs me na.

18. I am a frustrated singer. I really wish God blessed me with a magnificent voice.

19. I super love YAEL YUZON's voice!

20. I hate having to borrow things. As much as possible, I want to have my own because I don't want to have an utang-na-loob.

21. I dream of having a healthy, long, serious relationship someday. One like Boy Abunda and Bong Quintana have.

22. I'm an expert when it comes to loving from a distance as well as unrequited love.

23. I want to have an affair with a married guy. Forbidden is HOT!

24. In my dreams, I wish to have the wildest sex of my life with Robin Padilla!

25. After all the pain and heartbreaks I've gone through, I still believe that love will come to me. I still believe that special someone who will give me the unconditional love I'm dying to have will one day cross my path and finally appease my distressed heart.

Magnetism...

I saw you walking down the stairs rushing...
wearing a white fitted sando that perfectly complements your well toned body.
You were wiping the sweat in your forehead as I carefully observe your adorable skin that's undeniably a frequent companion of the sun.

Our eyes met at a glance.
We ignored each other...
yet, there's this magnetism; a sort of indescribable force that's pulling me towards you.
An attraction I can't resist.

With one look, I was so hooked.
I can't contain my sanity as I continue to head upstairs.
I wanted to go back and run after you...
I wanted to be intimate with you...
I wanted you to own me right at that very moment.

But I risked it and went up...

as the minutes pass,
now,
I know what I really want


...rush down to find where you are.


I know you were there...
inside that huge truck...
I can go inside and follow you but I held back...

cause I know that in the law of magnetism, the same poles will never attract.

maybe that was it...
our sweet encounter...
and reality made a grand entrance...

I know our paths will never cross again.

Dave...these past few weeks...

The past two weeks after Valentine's Day were two of the busiest weeks of my life. I don't know how I was able to manage but I did. For two weeks, I never had at least five hours of sleep. I recharge for only one and a half to two hours daily because of reading assignments, midterm exams, reaction papers and other school works. We are now in our 9th week. Five more weeks and the term will be over. I can't wait for that day!

Anyway, there are a lot of things I wanted to share in the past few weeks but I don't have the luxury of time to do so because of my very lovable and very considerate schedule. I felt that I needed to share this things already before I even forget them.

I made a promise to myself this New Year that I will try my best to watch the movies I want in cinemas during their theatrical showing. With all fainess to me, I am really making extra efforts to keep up to that promise. As of now, I haven't missed any movie that I want to watch. I have seen "The Holiday", "Music and Lyrics" and "You Got Me". Two weeks from now, I'm going to watch "Dreamgirls" naman..

other things in my life right now:

- Aside from Grey's Anatomy, I am also addicted to Gonut Donut's Yummy Vanilla and Oishi's Potato Crisps.

- I have realized that I want to read J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series again. I stopped in book 2 (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets) kasi in 2004. I don't know I got bored eh.. But this afternoon, I went to the movie house to watch "You Got Me" and before the movie, they showed the trailer of the new Harry Potter movie and once again it awakened my senses to continue reading the series. Since my passion to finish it was stirred, I'm going to read it na uli... FYI: I haven't seen any of the four Harry Potter movies because I was always telling myself that I want to finish reading the book versions first before watching.

- I want to buy a book! I just don't know what book I want. I have three choices right now, "Goddess: Inside Madonna" by Barbara Victor, "Memories of My Melancholy Whores" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez or "Orosa-Nakpil Malate" by:Louie Mar A. Gangcuangco (it's really good daw..) Ahhh!! I'm so confused!

- I feel so bad that the new issue of the Kris Aquino Magazine is still on hold because of what's happening to Kris right now. I am honestly disgusting James Yap na... I wish Kris didn't marry him nalang... Honestly, I really think that Kris doesn't love James the way she loved Joey Marquez! basta i HOPE maging ok na si kris. ay! mali! ayaw pala niya yang word na yan... hahahaha!!! can I just say na ang pangit ni hope ha... yucky siya ha...

- ok! fine! i'll admit it na talaga... I am still madly in love with GAVIN! with all my heart and soul... he's still the one talaga!!!

Finally, I gotta go na... it's 3am.. I still have a thick handout that I have to finish reading by tomorrow for my oral exam in philosophy of religion on Monday and I gotta decide what book I'm gonna buy.

till next time!

Furious | Hurting | Jealous...Dave!

I should be happy because after all, everything in my life today came about the way I wanted them to be. I got a 3.0 in my last exam for statistics and I was able to take a nap (big deal!!!) at our library this afternoon. I just don't know why I feel so down right now. It's as if I'm going to breakdown any moment from now. I feel so different. I want to cry but I can't.

I am full of anger, bitterness, jealousy, and pain.

I am still bitter about our situation. Although I already told Korina yesterday that I am on the process of giving up, I still can't deny the fact that I am still hurting and I don't know if there's a way for me to stop feeling this way anymore. Honestly, it's very destructive on my part already but no matter how hard I try to set aside my feelings for him, I simply can't! After all, he's my every single thought! Although I am perfectly aware that we can't be together...that friends are all we're going to be...I don't know why I'm still hoping for something more... I love him so much!

I don't know if I can go back to the normal me anytime soon...

I am full of anger! I don't know with whom or to whom... I just know that I am very angry...maybe to myself!

I envy her a lot! Since last night, she's getting a different kind of attention she shouldn't be having. I hate the fact that their favoritism was very evident since last night. Fine! She maybe their favorite but hey, SHE CAN NEVER BE ME! SHE CAN NEVER DO THE THINGS THAT I CAN! SHE CAN NEVER LEVEL WITH MY ACHIEVEMENTS!

DAVE's so overwhelmed!

I am so overwhelmed! I'm still in cloud 9 right now! I never thought that my papers would impress my professors (as if...pa humble pa! hehe!). At least all my sleepless nights paid off!

from my FOOD WRITING professor:

"THIS IS A VERY COMPETENT WRITTING!!! A VERY WELL WRITTEN PAPER! THE USE OF ANECDOTES IS VERY GOOD!
VERY GOOD, ROEJHON!"

from my HISTORY OF CIVILIZATION professor:

VERY WELL SAID! YOU CAN BE A WRITER!

With these comments on my writing, I am more and more encouraged to write. I badly need this compliments to keep me going. To fire up my enthusiasm and excitement in bringing back the OLD Dave (the super OC) in terms of study habits. I miss that Dave...

tsk tsk...

I promise next term! I'm gonna make it like you never knew it cause there's so much more to me!!! (parang song toh!?) yeah man!!!

Anyway, I am so sleepy na!!! My stat101 prof will give back the results of our last exam tomorrow... I'm keeping my fingers crossed!!! Hell with math!

P.S. I am still brokenhearted!!! I hope I could tell you how much I Iove you!!!

Brokenhearted DAVE!

well, what else is new? i'm always broken hearted and the pain inside of me just keeps haunting me more and more...

this night is EXTRA PAINFUL because after all I'm just a click away...

but to him...

i don't know...

i may be invisible in his YM...

oh!



YES! he did! a new window popped of my screen but hey,

is that all???

FUCK!!!



...Dave???

wake up! face reality! it hurts i know!

but you can't change it...

YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM LOVE YOU!!!

and...

after all that has been said and done...

you know with all your heart and soul,

that FRIENDS...

and NOTHING BUT FRIENDS

ARE ALL YOU AND HIM COULD EVER BE!



FUCK!!!

WHY CAN'T WE BE LOVERS???

TELL ME... PLEASE...

cause there's just so many questions in my mind right now...

tell me...

my dear...



...... ..... ....... ...... ---> I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!

Busy! Stressed! Brokenhearted!

Last week was unexplainable! My schedule was so tight! I can't remember if I even had a decent sleep of at least 3 hours. I ate paper deadlines and drank numerous quizzes.!

----

I won't tell the whole world who you are, but if by chance you come across this post and read it, I just wanna tell you that you make my heart beat so fast that I can't even breath properly when we're together. I can't help but fall for you because you are the only guy who made me feel this way. But I can't go away from reality...I am just your friend! Just your friend! And I guess we're better off as friends!

PS. I can't contain it! I love you so much!